Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize