apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
