My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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