So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
