1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
