When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
