i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
