The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
