the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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