I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
