Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
