o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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