He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize