Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
