sarcasm needs its own font
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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