i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
