Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
