dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
