College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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