he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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