fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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