we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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