This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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