sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
