In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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