the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
