I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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