The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My bed smells like the plague
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
