You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
