FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
