I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
