i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
