Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
