whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
