He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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