My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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