Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
