I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
