Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
