you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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