Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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