I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
