i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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