I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
