i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
