Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
