just tell him i said nine months
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
