pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
