Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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