I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
