I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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