Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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