put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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