do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
