Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
