it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
