Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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