You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
