the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her vagine was all disorganized.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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