as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
