So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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