I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
