We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
