i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
