I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
