His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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