And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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