Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
