You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
