The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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