Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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