He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
