you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
