Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
