She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
